This is a really good read. I don’t work in a “regular” job, I left a respectable job (aka, boring, toxic, patriarchal – bacon sandwiches, rock cakes and some colleague were excellent) over 4 years ago. I launched my first business 4 years ago, decided to home educate our children nearly 2 years ago, launched Love Life Inspired Life 6 months ago. I have been that person believing I can’t spend “his” money. I have been that person having rows with my husband because he believes we are having the life of leisure whilst he grinds. I have been that person who decided she was worthless unless she had a paycheck. (I had decided that, not my husband, he thinks I’m great). I am the person who a year ago decided to start filling up her own cup. No one was going to do it for me. Sometimes it’s filled up one drop at a time. One drop of oil, one self care act, one vegetable portion at a time. I hear so often from women, “I could not justify spending that money on myself”. I hear it so often and I can see in my head one specific persons story. This is not a conversation about lack – there is money there, this is the conversation over who gets to choose how and where it’s spent. She has the authority to spend significantly larger amounts on anything in the supermarket, or M&S, or the DIY store, but nothing on something that feels like it’s for her. I also know he has dropped more money on takeaways this month then the cost of a Home Essential kit. This is about more then money. I heard another woman say, “well, it’s for Louis”, I need it for him – buying it for her baby legitimised it for her. It’s better, but it’s not right. My husband and I had a row last week, it went like this I said I want to go out with some friends. He said you go out all the time. I said I go out for work, this is for fun. He said I wanted to spend some time with you. I said you are going out two evenings next week for drinks and fun, I was cool with that, now I want to go have some time with other home ed mums, to cut lose and have some laughs. He was grumpy, he accepted it. His cup is not full, not close. And he is a good, kind and fair person. 💰 money 💰 It’s a tricky thing. I do both now. I have a right to spend our money how I see fit, I have a right to have some sections of time for myself. The amount depends on what else is going on. I also decided to earn my own money, but this time without sacrificing my own morality, values and mental health. My own money that I can pour into our family and into our community. That my husband will be spending money he has not earned will be interesting. Earning money whilst being a mummy who is the main carer and providing a home and love for my husband and three children and an education for those children that is wide and varied and individual (and you could not have three kids more different. I think I wept with equal parts relief, recognition and validation when my kids maths tutor discussed with amazement how different they all are to teach). Go to that yoga or relaxation class, run that bath, buy that oil (USE THAT OIL). My January holds a new act of self care, I’ll be lifting again, I don’t know how or when, but it’s happening. It’s been a spark for a few months, and it’s growing into a flame. 🔥

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