My biggest flaw

My biggest flaw?

When I mess up I hide.

Well, I don’t as much now, I confront the beast, the shame and I go to the person and say sorry, I messed up. The more often I do it, the easier it gets. I don’t want to be the inflexible and cold faced person who never apologises.

But sometimes, sometimes I still hide, and in that hidden space I practise verbal self-flagellation. It feels endless. Self torture, it creates a useful barrier to success, to not do “the things”, (whatever the things are).

And then I have enough, and realise that an appropriate reaction would be guilt, a drop of guilt can be healthy, Brene Brown would say I’ve failed to uphold my values (e.g. I had a parcel of oils ready to post to someone since Feb, and I didn’t, it was a gift I had promised and I failed to deliver), but not posting an envelope is not a recipe for shame, for knowing I was flawed and unworthy, and unlovable. That is not a true or appropriate response.

Of course when I came out of hiding, and posted the package, I had the most beautiful and sweet thank you for them. But as always the way with these things, once I had acted the outcome had little meaning, I was already at peace with whatever reaction was to be had.

So my flaw is to dig into shame, instead of using guilt as my compass. 🧭

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: