My biggest flaw

My biggest flaw?

When I mess up I hide.

Well, I don’t as much now, I confront the beast, the shame and I go to the person and say sorry, I messed up. The more often I do it, the easier it gets. I don’t want to be the inflexible and cold faced person who never apologises.

But sometimes, sometimes I still hide, and in that hidden space I practise verbal self-flagellation. It feels endless. Self torture, it creates a useful barrier to success, to not do “the things”, (whatever the things are).

And then I have enough, and realise that an appropriate reaction would be guilt, a drop of guilt can be healthy, Brene Brown would say I’ve failed to uphold my values (e.g. I had a parcel of oils ready to post to someone since Feb, and I didn’t, it was a gift I had promised and I failed to deliver), but not posting an envelope is not a recipe for shame, for knowing I was flawed and unworthy, and unlovable. That is not a true or appropriate response.

Of course when I came out of hiding, and posted the package, I had the most beautiful and sweet thank you for them. But as always the way with these things, once I had acted the outcome had little meaning, I was already at peace with whatever reaction was to be had.

So my flaw is to dig into shame, instead of using guilt as my compass. 🧭


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